My sister graduated from Kauai High School this past May. I returned home from my second year of college for the ceremony.
At her grad party that following weekend, as I fielded the typical handful of questions about how New York was treating me, my sister, Manna, enjoyed a similarly expected line of interrogation: What were her plans for after graduation?
Well, what were her plans, exactly?
Manna’s future had been a point of contention between my family and me for the last few months. I was pushing for her to go to a four-year college on the mainland; she, in accordance with our parents’ wish that we do what feels right to us, was leaning toward staying on the island.
She insisted she wasn’t ready to leave yet. At 17, young for her class, Manna had a credible belief. She eventually decided to stay on Kauai, go to community college here and earn an associate’s degree, and later transfer to a university on the mainland.
Kauai’s airport in Lihue. Some students are torn as to whether they should move to the mainland after high school.
Flickr: Brian Snelson
I didn’t like this idea. I thought that if she didn’t push herself out of her comfort zone now — at this critical turning point in her life — she never would.
I spent long conversations on the phone with my parents discussing her decision, insisting that naturally she didn’t feel ready to grow up; does anyone ever feel like they’re fully ready to do anything? Of course not, I said, but they do it anyway – and so should she.
I wanted my sister to know that she had options, that she should leave while she was young and motivated, that the world outside is admittedly big but not as scary as she might think. I thought she was backing out before even starting.
Who Was Right?
I struggled with these doubts while trying to support Manna and her choices. I didn’t know if I was being calloused, or if she was falling victim to her fear. Who was right? Amid my puzzlement, a conversation with my college roommate bubbled to the surface of my mind.
A few months ago, he and I were discussing what we wanted to do after we graduated. My roommate Reed, born and raised in New York, was considering law school, or maybe an internship in the entertainment industry; I, on the other hand, had no clue, no plan. But, during our conversation, something sparked.
“What if I went back to Kauai,” I remember saying, “and taught?”
I recounted to him the teachers who made my time in Hawaii public schools fantastic, the educators who shaped me as a student and a person. I felt like I owed them everything; I wondered if I could be that teacher for someone someday.
I wanted my sister to know that the world outside is admittedly big but not as scary as she might think.
The prospect thrilled me. But Reed just stared at me, confused, and asked: “Teaching public school? Why would you throw away your degree like that?”
Of course, I got upset at him. I told him that he was entitled and didn’t understand the need I felt to give back to where I came from, to return to my home island and be part of its community again. I was speechless. Reed and I are best friends, and he understands and supports me.
What if going back to Kauai was exactly what I was meant to do? Why would he criticize my choice to stay?
Not A Copout
Once I remembered how I felt after Reed’s comment — heartbroken, upset, indignant and motivated — my qualms about my sister’s decision dissipated. I realized her choice to stay was just that: her choice. It was informed by experience, by her understanding of herself. Staying here is economical, practical, and perfectly suits my sister’s wishes. I just wanted what was best for her, and that desire manifested as doubt instead of support.
Fundamental to my initial reaction to Manna’s college plans is the belief people have that remaining in Hawaii after high school is equivalent to a sort of “giving up.” I didn’t want my sister to take what I cited as the easy, comfortable way out.
But, just as my roommate didn’t understand the intricacies of what would draw me back to Kauai again, those who criticize remaining in Hawaii as a “copout” fail to respect the complicated variables at hand when making a decision like what to do after high school. Everyone’s story is unique, complex, wild, beautiful. My sister is on a fantastic journey through her life right now, and her choice to stay is only a part of it.
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